Just A Note...

...calmly cried watching the memorial ceremony for Michael Jackson... i felt so weird. i didn't read all the news about his death for the past two weeks thinking i wouldn't get the right information about it. all news spoke about 'the possibilities', as usual. we never know the truth, so i preferred to deal with his death instead of reading rubbish! i didn't cry until i saw his casket held by his brothers, taken to the center of the Staples Center's hall. It was just like...i don't know... it was just like a final statement that he is dead for real (whether his body really was inside the casket or not...). And the ceremony that looked more like a concert was so sadly ironic. The concert was supposed to be his final show, but then the fact is...he was there, inside the casket, while other entertainers sang for him...that's not how the plan was made...
I really try to accept all this as simply a regular stuff that happened, you know just like people said...'shit does happen!'. I mean, he is Michael Jackson, i knew him as a superstar just like many other fans. It was not like i knew him for real, so i try to think that it's just like any other star who passed away. But the fact is... i can't! I google his name everyday, look for his images, save it to my computers, and then repeatedly see those images... it's hurtful but i can not help it. Knowing that he's not here anymore is a sad thing. Guess it's true that you never know what you got till it's gone! My friends start to ask me why i still mourn for his death. I simply don't know the answer, it is my feeling, i can't help it. I know i can't be like this forever and i know i wont. But i wont apologize for what i feel and all my reactions on this.
I just hope that all this sad feeling, tears, prays and hopes ( from me and people all over the world) will enough to bring Michael to have a better place in heaven. And may God with you, Michael!
I miss you already...
-whoever i am-